This weekend I took some time to do some real thinking about my involvement in SoS, and the reasons behind it. This was the first time I had done this in a critical manner.  In the beginning SoS made a lot of sense in a very linear way. I could spend a summer doing my own garden project, gain friends, fight famine, and have enough fortune to live on. The realities of finishing school and frisbee and african music, buying seeds and growing plants, writing organizing emails, keeping up with a thousand new opportunities and directions to go in, working close to 40 hours a week, and making a new spot in my minnesota life for my new york compatriots, have all found a way into the mix. Now there is a mess and I feel like it’s my fault for not managing my time and commitments better.

Where do I go from here?- I’m stuck in this mess. I feel like quitting summer of solutions all together because my project vision has failed so far mostly because there hasn’t been enough input from all the smart people who want to work with me, not for me as I had perhaps made it seem. I’m no longer giving it the attention that it needs and deserves. On the other hand, there’s a bunch of people now working full time on these projects and I feel a groundswell of support.

Now it’s raining and the ground can’t freeze anymore, the ground calls to the plants who are wilting in the weight without a large enough root system to stand upright. There’s a jumpstart meeting tuesday and I have many welcoming yards with some spots to spread some love around through giving living things. It’s my second day off in a row tomorrow which gives me uninterrupted time to get some things and more thinking done. I have friends, funds, frisbee, forthcoming flora, but no F harmonica I lost it at a music festival. Doesn’t mean I can’t still get Funky.